Loosing Someone

I can not sleep. It has been 3 months since my insomnia kicked in again. There are times that I would not sleep for more than 30 hours straight and just sleep for 6 hours to make up for it. But the lack of sleep does not bother me the most, it's the lack of someone. I heard a cliche that says "it's better to love and lost, than to not love at all". Maybe the one who came up with this quote never experienced the pain of loosing someone. Someone they really loved, someone that you thought you would spend the rest of your days with, someone to grow old with and go to the doctor's office for your monthly checkup because the both of you are frail and senile. I really don't know why it hurts this much, was it because it was my fault and I am blaming myself or the way around. But at this point I don't think it really matters. The blaming game is over. But come to think of it, the root of the pain is not just about loosing someone. It's about loosing your dreams that at one point you shared with your significant other. The dream house, the dream car(s), the name of your child, whatever it was it's gone now. Dreams that are shattered like glass, shards of glass that cuts you deep.
I look at this experience as a reality check, that you can't just let go of someone so important and expect them to understand your intentions. We are human, we are imperfect, we are all insecure. My intentions were good, I had it all figured out in my mind - a template to success and eternal happiness. That template, turned out to be a template of disaster. I was so focused on chasing our dreams that I lost sight of what really is important. I became selfish and I didn't even noticed it until now. My intentions were good, my execution was bad as a fatherless bastard.
They say that you could/should learn from any experience life throws at you, even a heartbreak. If I could only understand and accept what went wrong. Then I would emerge being wiser and stronger. I was in denial for a long time, angry most of the time, tried to bargain my way out of this misery, was depressed from the beginning, so the only thing left for me is acceptance.